Fixing to leave

Above is a pic from the wedding Corbin and I were in this past November. What a handsome man.

So I'm am headed to sunny Orlando tomorrow on a business trip. While the trip will be a fun one - one where I get to basically walk around theme parks, my excitement is muted by the many mental notes I am making on what I need to do both at work and home before I leave. What I need to pack. What needs to get cleaned up and what can wait until the weekend (I wish I had thought ahead like that before I left dishes from tacos in the sink all weekend while I went to the lake - oh the smell). And of course, preparing Corbin for 2 1/2 days without me. While I know he will have a blast being spoiled by his grandparents, I also know that he is very routine oriented (as I have become as well). And I know that he tends to get a little anxious when he has to be without me during the school week. He could care less on the weekends as long as he gets to play the whole time. I know that many people talk about the challenges and joys of parenting, but the part that pains me the most, is never feeling complete when I am not around my little one. He truly is a part of me, almost an extension of my own body. I don't know if all parents feel that way, or if my feeling is more intense because its just the two of us and he literally is my life. So I am anxious preparing for this break. I know that once I am gone the days will go by quickly, but anticipating that time pains me. I can remember the last time I left for this amount of time - I had to take deep breaths and quickly refocus my attention after getting off the phone with him to avoid crying. Of course, he was much younger then. Anyway, perhaps its just that I remember well the feeling of missing my parents when they would leave town and I hate to think that he might feel that way.

Anyway, I know that everything will be fine, he will have fun and we will have the weekend to spend together. But all of this makes me wonder. If I feel like I am missing my right arm when I am without him now, how the hell will I make it through college?! Yep, I am already fearing the fact that someday he will grow up and have his own life. While that is exactly what you want for your children, its terrifying.

Ok, so this was a rambling mess of thought, so I will end it with the statement that can legitimize anything you ever say - "I'm just saying."